


PreOrder, That's a Good Idea

by HazyDayzz



Category: Fractured but Whole, South Park, Stick of Truth - Fandom
Genre: Basically Waiting for the FBW Be Like, But It's Just Dovahkiin Though, Depression, It's really just a blink and you'll miss it, Minor Character Death, Minor Suicidal Thoughts, POV First Person, Shhh Its Okay, Time Travel, endless cycle, nothing makes sense, probably more once the game comes out, wrote this late at night, yesssss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 15:43:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12192837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HazyDayzz/pseuds/HazyDayzz
Summary: After getting trapped in a time loop for three years (long story), Dovahkiin, betterly known as Douchebag, has been doing all he can within a three day time span before getting reset and having to do the whole adventure over again. He wants change, something new.(Pre FBW and Post SoT sort of--)





	PreOrder, That's a Good Idea

Hi.

  
Your name is Dovahkiin. You can’t remember your last name, but it probably isn’t important and doesn’t really matter in the long scale of things. Especially since almost no one ever uses your proper name and opts to give you an ill suited nickname.

  
Your life has been utter horse shit since you moved to the horrible hick town of South Park Colorado. Unfortunately this place has become your world since you moved here. In fact, you can’t even remember what your life was before you came here. Your parents apparently do, but any truth in that is extremely questionable. Any friends, family, pets even, have all been forgotten, leaving you with getting stuck up a gay man’s ass as one of your most recent memories. Fun.

  
You had even forgotten how to speak for the first three days you were in town, which was a total nightmare in itself. Missing out on communication made your life suck about 78 percent more than it probably should have. And when you finally did remember how to speak, it was a bit too late but at least you could immediately use your newfound ability to piss off the three assholes who dragged you into this cycle of hell you now call home.

  
The first time you woke up after Cartman had thrown the Stick of Truth into the lake, you thought everything was fine. Until it wasn’t.

  
All of your items were gone but you at least found you retained your speech capability. Next thing you knew, your parents were busting into your room questioning you about the move and your memory, all things you were certain had happened just three days prior, but after your whole crazy LARPing adventure, you figured, what the hell, and just rolled with it. But everything seemed to follow a little too closely to your first day here, exactly to a T. When you ended up punching a kid for Butters, again, and him directing you to Cartman’s house, you knew something was wrong.

  
Maybe, just maybe, you thought, this was another one of those weird things that seemed to happen at night in South Park, and went along with it, pretending to be surprised by things and going to do the adventure again. When the stick was once again discarded into the lake, you figured that was the end of that, and went on your way.

  
But you just had to wake up in your room again, bare of any weapons and armor and bonus patches that you worked so hard for. This had to be wrong, didn’t it? Thinking it had something to do with your apparent “power to make friends quickly online” you spent the whole run making damn well sure everyone in town, and in Canada, was friends with you on Facebook, just as the stupid Bad Government Guy had said.

  
That didn’t do anything, though, and you woke right back up in your room, bare of Facebook friends.

  
The fourth time this happened you screamed and broke everything in your room out of frustration. You didn’t even bother going outside to play Cartman and Kyle’s stupid game. When your dad finally kicked you out of the house to make “friends” you made sure to stay away from any kid who was playing the LARPing game. Surprisingly, your life reset that first night. It seems befriending Butters or joining the game was the only way to make your, now meaningless, life last longer than a day.

  
You weren’t really sure what limits there were on this whole resetting thing, so you didn't push anything too far, but you did experiment.

  
You once found out that death wasn’t a consequence when you were trying to denounce Al Gore and finally expose him for faking the whole ManBearPig thing, but he ended up getting carried away in the act and murdered you. You briefly saw the gates of Heaven (and a large sum of men in white button up shirts, black dress pants, and colored ties) before waking up back in your empty room right as your parents barge in. That…. wasn’t traumatizing at all. But good to know, you guess.

  
Curious, you joined Kyle’s forces first and laid waste to Cartman’s kingdom. Kyle was much nicer in comparison to Cartman, and by that you meant, you were still the royal king’s delivery boy, but at least you got a different nickname, that being just “New Kid”. Still, a step up from “Douchebag,” so clearly Kyle has Cartman beat.

  
Surprisingly, Kyle was still an untrusting, hot headed, dick when you joined, always suspecting you and sending Stan to keep an eye on you in case you were secretly working for Wizard Fatass or something. And, surprisingly, Stan was actually very nice, er, once you “defeated” his sister and got him back his iPhone that is. Unsurprisingly, the Elf classes were much less racist than those of Kupa Keep, though you didn't get much to choose from except an elven swordsman, bowman, priest, or enforcer. (There was an option of a bard, but you didn’t feel like singing degrading songs all day, nor did you have the creativity to sing anything as funny as Jimmy.)

  
Being on Kyle’s side changed the game drastically. Just as you had suspected, Cartman’s kingdom was nothing without you. Humans fell to their knees before you, though in layman's terms you could say, you kicked ass. You still felt bad when you had to defeat Butters. Man, that kid both pissed you off and made you smile at how adorable he was like no other. Cartman was always a coward and sent someone to fend you off or something. Kenn-- Oh, your bad, Princess Kenny wasn’t as much of a pain to beat than she was during the end of a regular run, which was neat and fantastic when you were reminded of the trouble he-- she caused when she ran off with the stick. You enjoyed kicking her teeth in.

Some of the more drastic changes though was that, after the alien spaceship crashed, Clyde doesn’t make an army of darkness for you to destroy; you weren’t there to get him kicked off of Cartman’s arsenal so he had no reason for revenge. Without Clyde’s zombie army, Kyle’s team just dominates and eventually Cartman rage quits and you become an elven King alongside Kyle. But you never get to see how far that victory goes because they eventually get bored (within days of endless victory) and play something else without you. Actually, these runs last the longest, with you going a max of five days before a reset.

  
Still, not pleasant. So you’ve tried other things.

  
Doing everything normally and then betraying everyone was….interesting. You easily beat your six friends with the Big Baddie Government Guy cheering you on. Then you get taken away to quote un quote “rule the world.” But everything resets the night after BBGG gets you on international television to announce your new rule, in the most awkward way imaginable as he refuses to put on pants.

  
You’ve done a few runs where you immediately befriend the girls with Butters, and both of you abandon the LARPing game to have a sleepover with them. You get the deets on who’s the hottest kids in school, who has the nicest butt, you know. Trivial stuff. You don’t do that thing where you go around dating every girl to see how it goes. You stick with Annie and she’s really nice. You learn more things everytime you all play “truth or dare.” One run you took Kenny along with you instead, aaaannnnddd found out he was a massive perv. Great.

  
Curiosity got the best of you and you befriended the Goths and just hung out with them all day. It was soooo hard to suppress your laughter after pretending like you’re dead inside. I mean… you are, but not in that way. Eventually you found out that Stan had a “goth phase” and decide to exploit that fact. Somehow you managed to rekindle his goth days and you increase the goth clan from four faggy goths to six. Doing a monotone, scruffily depressed voice and drinking coffee was hilarious to you, even more so when you knew the other four weren’t faking it (you could never tell if Stan was, however.)

  
...After a while of getting tired of being abducted by aliens, you created a makeshift taser and tased those fuckers as soon as they entered your room. No green goo, no Nazi zombies. Yet Clyde still manages to raise an army, it’s just sad and pathetic, and easy to beat this time.

  
Interesting though, when hanging out with Kenny, you convinced him to take off his hood so you could understand him, he revealed to you that he couldn’t die and that no one remembered it. You told him you believed him, because you were going through something similar except when you died you were sent back to the first day you entered this fucking town. The two of you bonded and got together to overthrow both kingdoms as “Douchebag the King” and “Fair Princess Kenny.” It was totally not gay.

  
There were other routes you tried out. You became a honorary hallway monitor, guest starred on Terrance and Phillip, led on a legion of kindergarteners, helped out some woodland critters, became a vampire kid, did the whole adventure; high, picked a fight with a drunken Randy, played matchmaker and got Craig and Tweek to realize their gay love for each other, you did the same with Cartman and Kyle for no reason in particular other than just shits and giggles, tried playing the game as a chick like Kenny, etc… just hilarious and utmost pointless paths that you could imagine.

  
...but it was just hollow. What was the point if all that progress was just scrapped after a week and no one else remembered? You were, and are, forever just the “New Kid” and that's all you'll ever be.

  
You tried telling your friends about it in hysteria. Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Butters, Jimmy, and even Cartman each didn't really know what to say when you broke down sobbing over the pit you've been trapped in. No one knew what to say, not even Kenny. You off’ed yourself that run in hopes the cycle would end. It didn't.

  
Eventually you mellowed out and tried to see how much shit you could get away if, maybe the system would break after you did something so drastic it couldn't be undone. Like get a nose job so you looked like the Hoff. Okay, so maybe that one was just for fun, but you really tried to do some shitty things with this mindset.

  
You tried becoming the new Cartman and bullied everyone, just sort of being a total bitchy asswipe. You set Kyle’s elven kingdom on fire, after everyone had been evacuated of course. You went off on a violent spree, beating up every kid and adult within the radius of South Park. You've gotten Dire AIDS. You burned bridges. You exploited everyone's weaknesses and insecurities, hissing their worst fears to the public and confirming them. You let the town blow up from the snuke up Mr. Slave’s ass. Still nothing.

  
You are pretty sure you've gotten bored of everything. Like your mind has been numbed by this whole situation. It's kinda pointless doing anything or trying. You don't even know how long it's been since that first, very first day. You've gotten used to just staying in bed like the pathetic mess you are at this point. You don't get hungry, unfortunately, just gotta wait for the day to pass, Butters to get “killed” by an elf, and you start back up from the beginning. Sadly you don't rot away either. There's just nothing that you can do.

  
Day after day it's just the same thing, and you can't bother yourself to try anything new anymore.

 

….

 

….

 

….

 

….

 

….

 

….

 

Then. You hear arguing in the hall instead of the ever familiar muffled shuffling of your parents moving boxes. You look around your room to find it decorated with medieval play toys and LARPing weapons. This is different.

  
Excited, but not willing to give yourself false hope, you rush to the door and swing it open. Your parents are arguing about how your making friends might lead the government to find you again and the two split ways. Your heart almost skips a beat, you're so happy for that moment. You've made progress.

  
Any and all apathy seemed to fly out of you. The cycle of nothingness has probably ended. You check your phone contacts to see every friend you've ever made from South Park there, sending messages and such. You check the date and it's apparently October 17th 2017. It's been more than three years. You skip (yes, gay skip) to the end of the hall and promptly fall down the stairs. You hear knocking at the door, and, praying to whatever-God that exists that this isn't some sick jokeish nightmare, you open it to see Kyle and Butters and a crowd of some kids you haven't seen before fighting with the members of Kupa Keep and Kyle’s Elven kingdom.

  
“My king, we need your help!” Butters starts, voice full of worry.

  
“Yeah dude, the Moorish are attacking!” Kyle finishes. “Come on!”

  
You take a deep breath and thank whatever-God has blessed you after years of torment and answer.

  
“Fuck. Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Basically how I felt waiting for the next game. Just that empty feeling you get when there are no more quests or reason to keep playing a single save.... so tragic.


End file.
